There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-coloured vest;
When they said: “Does it fit?”
He replied: “Not a bit!”
That uneasy Old Man of the West.

There was an Old Lady of Prague,
Whose language was horribly vague;
When they said: “Are there caps?”
She answered: “Perhaps!”
That oracular Lady of Prague.

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He awoke in the night
In a terrible fright
And found it was perfectly true!

There was an Old Owl lived in an oak.
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, more he heard.
Follow the example of that wise old bird.

There was an Old Man of Pekin,
Who sat on the point of a pin,
He jumped up in pain,
Then sat down again.
That silly old man of Pekin.

Said a Booklover fellow from Siam:
“I frequently read Omar Khayyam.
His morals depress.
Butt nevertheless
He is almost as clever as I am”.

There was an Old Man who said:
“How shall I flee from this horrible cow?
I shall sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow”.

An amoeba named Sam and his brother
Were having a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing
They split their sides laughing.
And each of them now is a mother.

There was an old lady who said
When she found a thief under her bed:
“Get up from the floor;
You are too near the door,
And you may catch a cold in your head.”

There once was a student named Bessor,
Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And today he’s a college professor.

There was a nice lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And a smile on the face of the tiger.

There was a young person, whose history
Was always considered a mystery;
He sat in a ditch, although no one knew which,
And composed a small treatise on history.

There was a Young Lady of Turkey
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine,
She ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

There was an old lady of Harrow,
Whose views were exceedingly narrow.
At the end of her paths
She built two bird baths
For the different sexes of sparrow.